By Jonathon Foust

“DONKEY!” the great green ogre bellowed from his outhouse. “Ye’ve used all the paper again!!  Can’t you have the common courtesy to replace the roll when you’re done?!”

 A small bluish-gray quadruped with enormous incisors bopped out the front door of Shreq’s hut into the bright sun of another perfect fairy tale day.  “Whatchoo talkin’ ‘bout, Shreq?” he answered.  “I can’t use paper… I got no THUMBS!!”

Shreq stepped out of the tiny outhouse, his wide shoulders blocking out the happy sun.  “Well, if you didn’t do it then who did?”
 

Just then a line of seven little men made their way slowly from behind the outhouse toward the woods, a long strip of toilet paper stuck to one of their heels.  As they passed by Shreq, the last one in line gave a happy, “Hi-HO!”
 

“Hey!” Shreq called, “What d’you think you’re doing using my outhouse?”
 

Before the men could respond a small girl in a red cloak burst through the underbrush and ran past, almost knocking Shreq down.  Immediately following her was a huge anthropomorphic wolf in a nightcap and glasses.  Shreq snatched him up by the throat in mid pursuit and brought him up to eye-level.
 

“Hello there.  Perhaps you would like to fill me in on what exactly is going on here.”
 

The wolf croaked, “It’s Lord Farquad.  He’s convinced all us fairy tale baddies to help him win back his kingdom.  He promised to help us beat all our old enemies if we help put him back on his tiny little throne.”
 

Shreq looked around the clearing at the disheveled mess of fairy tale protagonists that was beginning to gather in his swamp… again.  One of them, a small wooden boy stepped forward.
 

“Please, mister, you’re our only hope!”
 

“Well, since you put it that way…”
 

Donkey could see the big “No” welling up in his old friend’s throat.  He stepped forward and gave Shreq a frown.
 

“Oh… alright.” And then, to himself, “How do I get myself in to these messes?”
 

A great cheer rang throughout the forest.