The Alfinchi Code
by Jonathon Foust
 

Renowned symbologist Robert Langstrom awoke to a loud knocking on the door of his room at the Holiday Inn Express. 
He had been in town speaking to a group of conventioneers about the symbolism of 
waffle indentations and their relationship to the “Divine Feminine,” and had only just fallen asleep when the barrage of heavy knocks began.

            Answering the door, he was greeted by the face of a serious-looking army captain with a briefcase in his hand. 

 “Robert Langstrom?” the man barked.
 

            “Yes,” he replied, wiping sleep from his eyes.  “What is this about?”
 

            “I don’t feel comfortable talking about it in the hallway, sir.  The ice machine may be bugged.”
 

            Once the captain had been let in he quickly went to work explaining himself. 

“We have word, Mr. Langstrom, that a relic of great political and religious importance has made its way to the US. 
 The French government is sending undercover agents of its military to try to quietly retrieve the relic,
and the US military intends to stop them before they get their hands on it. 
As we have it on good authority that there may be tricks or traps employed to protect the relic,
and as we understand that you have some experience with this relic,
we want you to come along on this expedition to help us decipher any codes or clues that we might encounter along the way.
 

            Robert had a pretty good idea what the answer was, but he asked the question anyway,

“What is this relic?”
 

            “The item, Mr. Langstrom, is the Holy Grail.”
 

            Langstrom shuddered.  “There have been lots of hoaxes over the years, how do you know that it is the true Grail?”
 

            The Captain grabbed a stack of photographs from his case.  “We have deciphered a series of ciphers hidden in the works of a great artist.”
 

            “You mean… you deciphered the Davinci C…”
 

            “DON’T SAY IT!” the Captain interjected.  “Do you want to get sued?! 
No, Mr. Langstrom, the clues were hidden in the artwork of Bill Alfinchi, the famous Pennsylvania Dutch barn artist.”
  The Captain spread out a series of photos which depicted several large wooden barns with ‘Mail Puch Tobacco’ painted on the side. 
“When we analyze the proportions of the letters…”
 

            “Phi?” Langstrom said.
 

            The Captain smiled.  “I’d say we’ve found our man.  Now, the French have hired an Englishman to help them in their own quest for the grail. 
 I believe you know him, a Sir Lee Peebing.  They got him released from prison in exchange for his cooperation on this mission. 
 We thought that if they had an expert in the hole…”
 

            “You might as well have one too.”  Robert thought for a moment. 

His old friend and rival Lee Peebing helping the French to find the Grail. 
What were their intentions? 
Why was the Grail in America? 
Would the groups known as the Priory of Scion and Opus Dei allow either side to possess the true Grail? 
The wonder was too much to resist.
 

            “When do we leave?” Langstrom said.
 

            “As soon as you put some pants on,” the Captain replied.